Protecting yourself at home and online

Protect yourself at home

Navigating new financial and personal responsibilities while dealing with grief and brain fog can be overwhelming.  This makes widows a specific and sometimes easy target for theft and various scams.  Here are some common reasons widow are scammed and the type of scamming to watch for:

Loneliness → romance scams

Overwhelm → tech scams

Role changes → financial scams

 

Explore these essential tips to protect yourself and your assets from common fraudulent schemes.

 

Helpful home security basics:

After loss, the world can suddenly feel louder, less predictable, and less safe, even in your own home. Wanting safety isn’t fearfulness; it’s self-protection during a season of vulnerability. Here are some ideas to help you feel safe at home:

  • Lock doors and windows consistently (form a nightly routine)

  • Install motion sensor lights on outside entrances

  • Install a doorbell camera or simple camera system

  • Keep porch and entry areas well-lit

  • Buy timers for lamps so it looks like you are home, even when you are not
  • Keep your phone charging and accessible by your bedside at night
  • Purchase a paper shredder and shred old bills or papers with account numbers
  • Create a list of emergency numbers and keep it in an accessible place in your home

  • Keep your city garbage/recycle bins inside your garage, behind locked gates, or out of sight.  Some thieves will steal garbage bags looking for personal information. 

 

If you can afford a home security system, it's a good investment.  If not, you can purchase an affordable doorbell camera or motion sensor lights at any home improvement store or electronics store.  They are not complicated to install, so you may be able to call on a trusted family member or friend to do this for you. 

 

Trust your instincts about visitors or solicitors:

You are never obligated to:

  • Give an explanation

  • Invite someone to come in

  • Agree to purchase something you don't want
  • Sign a contract

It’s okay to:

  • Not answer the door

  • Speak through the door or intercom

  • Say, “Now isn’t a good time”

  • Say, "no".  Practice saying it so you get more comfortable

Protect yourself online

Staying informed is your first line of defense. Widows often worry about making financial mistakes, sharing personal information unknowingly, and the emotional toll of betrayal. It's crucial to be aware of the types of scams specifically targeting those who have recently lost a spouse, as scammers prey on vulnerability during grief.

If you think you've been scammed, what should you do immediately?

First, tell a trusted loved one or friend. Then, immediately contact the appropriate authorities. This might include your bank, local police department, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), or the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), depending on the nature of the scam.

Here are some common red flags:

🚩 Anyone who uses urgency + fear to persuade.  Phrases like these are signs of a potential scam:

  • “Act now or your account will be closed”

  • “This is time-sensitive”

  • “You must respond today”

Rule: Real companies allow time. Scammers rush.

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🚩 Requests for secrecy. Phrases like these are signs of a potential scam:

  • “Don’t tell anyone”

  • “This is confidential”

  • “Your family doesn’t need to know”

Rule: Legitimate help never requires secrecy.

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🚩 Payment pressure. People asking you to purchase or provide these items are common scams:

  • Gift cards

  • Wire transfers

  • Crypto

  • Asking for login codes or verification texts

Rule: Real organizations never demand unusual payment methods.

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🚩 Emotional manipulation. Phrases like these are signs of a potential scam:

  • Fake romance or “friendship”

  • Someone who “understands your loss” very quickly

  • Promises of companionship, investment help, or protection

Rule: Trust grows slowly. Scammers rush intimacy.

🚩 If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Don't believe these offers without verifying:

  • Surprise inheritance

  • Refunds she didn’t request

  • Investments with “guaranteed returns”

Rule: Free money almost never comes uninvited.

Tips on avoiding scams:

1.  Get a second set of eyes or a second opinion from:

  • A trusted friend

  • An adult child

  • A financial advisor

  • Even saying: “I need to check this with someone”. Scammers usually disappear when this is mentioned.

2.  Verify information

  • Look up the company independently. NEVER click links in unsolicited emails or texts

  • Call the number on the back of a card or official website 

  • Do not conduct financial issues over the phone.  Talk to your bank or financial advisor in person if possible

  • Never agree to transferring money, opening or closing accounts over the phone 

3.  Protect your financial information online

  • Add a third-part authenticator on your financial apps by searching the app store of your choice for authenticators like Duo or Authenticator

4.  Find out if your credit card company had card freeze or fraud alert

  • You can call the number on the back of your card to find out.  If your credit card company does not offer fraud alert, get a card that does.

5.  Check your credit card transactions and bank account activity every few days and make sure your recognize the spending

  • set up spending alerts or notifications on your phone

6.  Do not share your social security number or bank details online

Only share sensitive information like your social security number, bank account details, or passwords on secure, verified websites or with trusted institutions you initiated contact with. Never give this information out over the phone or email unless you are absolutely certain of the recipient's identity and legitimacy.

7. Screening phone calls and do not answer numbers you are not familiar with 

A common scam - Catfishing

Catfishing means creating a fake online identity, using stolen photos and false information, to deceive someone into a relationship, often for romance, financial gain, or personal reasons like loneliness or fantasy, by building trust and then manipulating the victim for money, personal details, or favors. 

🚩 Big warning signs of catfishing

1. They avoid real-time contact

  • Won’t video chat (or always has an excuse)

  • Phone calls are rare, short, or “not possible”

  • Sends voice notes but won’t talk live

Reality check: If they care, they’ll make real contact happen.

2. Their photos feel… too perfect

  • Model-level photos, but oddly few of them

  • Same poses, same lighting, no casual or messy pictures

  • Photos don’t match their life story (job, age, location)

Try this: Reverse-image search one photo.

3. The relationship moves very fast

  • “I’ve never felt this way before”

  • Talking about love, marriage, or moving early on

  • Constant messaging, especially late at night

Why this matters: Fast intimacy creates emotional dependence.

4. They have a dramatic, convenient backstory

Common ones:

  • Widowed

  • Military / oil rig / overseas contractor

  • Recently lost a child or spouse

  • Can’t meet “yet” because of work or travel

Pattern: Their story explains why you can’t verify them.

5. They mirror you uncannily

  • Same values, hobbies, goals, trauma

  • Always agrees with you

  • Feels “too perfectly matched”

Truth: Real people disagree sometimes.

6. Money, favors, or “help” comes up

Even subtly:

  • “My bank is frozen”

  • “I just need help until I get paid”

  • “Can you invest with me?”

  • Asking you to receive or send money

🚨 This is the line. Once money enters, it’s a scam.

7. They want secrecy

  • “Others wouldn’t understand us”

  • “Don’t tell anyone yet”

  • Tries to isolate you from friends or family

Healthy relationships don’t need secrecy.

🔎 Simple ways to check (safely)

  • Ask for a live video call (not prerecorded)

  • Ask them to do something specific on video
    (wave, say your name, show today’s date)

  • Reverse-image search their photos

  • Ask casual, detailed questions over time and see if answers stay consistent

Catfish often get angry, defensive, or disappear when asked to verify.

🛑 The gut check

Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel anxious or on edge with them?

  • Am I making excuses for them?

  • Would I advise a friend to trust this situation?

Your body often knows before your brain does.

💬 If you suspect you are being catfished

  • Stop sharing personal info

  • Don’t send money or documents

  • Save messages/photos

  • Block and report the account

  • Talk to someone you trust (shame thrives in silence)

A common scam - Venmo

🛑 Do not accept a Venmo payment from someone you do not know

Venmo is typically safe and a very convenient way to complete payments.  However, if you accept a Venmo payment from someone you do not know, it may be a scam.  Here is some information:

  • "Accidental" Payment Scam: A scammer sends funds (using a stolen account) and asks you to return them. When the original charge is reversed, you lose your own money.
  • Phishing/Smishing: Emails or texts posing as Venmo, alleging "suspicious activity" or a "new device login" to steal your password or MFA code.
  • Fake Prize/Reward: Messages claiming you won money or a gift card, directing you to a phishing site to enter login credentials.
  • Seller Overpayment: A buyer sends more than the agreed price, then requests a partial refund via a different payment method before the original payment is flagged as fraudulent.
  • Impersonation: Scammers pretend to be Venmo support, family members, or charity, asking for urgent funds.
  • Romance/Trust Scams: Building fake relationships online to trick you into sending money

 

How to Protect Yourself:

  • Verify in-app: Only trust the balance shown in your official Venmo app, not emails or texts.
  • Never share codes: Venmo will never ask for your login code, PIN, or password.
  • Do not click links: Access Venmo directly through the app or official website.
  • Pause and verify: If a friend asks for money urgently, call them to confirm it is actually them.

Empower your security

Your peace of mind is paramount. Visit the Vendors and Services page for suggests attorneys and financial advisors